Lunch Break
It was the middle of the afternoon and two women sat under the shade of an awning connected to the restaurant. It was very busy and cars were driving past and people were moving in and out of the restaurant. The two women liked to meet for lunch because they knew they did not care about each other but would still listen, and that's all that mattered. Their lunch was short and they did not have much time to talk. They talked about their lives and themselves mostly.
“He's going to die.”
“Why.”
“Because of his heart.”
“What's wrong with it?”
“The doctor said it was broken.”
“Broken, that's not good.”
“He says he's fine. I can keep working, he says.”
“Does he still work?”
“No, he just makes stuff in his garage.”
“What kind of stuff?”
“Anything out of wood. But its gonna kill him”
“Well, he's old, just let him.”
“I just don't understand why he can't lay down.”
“People aren't made to.”
“I'd love to just lay down. I never have the time.
“He loves it, is all.”
“What's the point if you'll die soon? I don't know?”
They placed the money on the table and stood up. They walked towards their cars which were parked next to one another.
“Do you have any plans for the week?”
“To look after him.”
“Oh, you have to.”
“Ya, my whole family does. But it's my turn this week.”
“Good luck.”
“I don't know what I'm going to do.”
“What can you do?”
“Put him in a home.”
“Would you?”
“I don't know?”
The last comment I got on my dialogue was, “Delusional,” which is fair. I’m still trying to figure this whole thing out. The dialogue of Hemingway and Norman Wexler and the like have always been attractive to me. But it is not something that you can just mimic. I also know some people who could never get into Hemingway’s dialogue even after multiple reads. What I’m trying to say is that my goal is really stupid but I’m going to focus on writing dialogue for the time being and we will see what happens.
This dialog sounds very authentic to me, and the idea of eaves-dropping is always of interest, I think. A fine start, J! Two questions to consider, maybe? 1.) Lay down should be LIE down in this case. 2.) Are these women strangers to you? If so, how do you know they don't care about each other? How could you show us they don't care about each other? Just something to think about. I don't mean to be rude, just helpful. I hope you don't mind.